KatieBear

Yeah so I might not have been as strict with myself since I wrote my original post. But why do we fall down? So we can learn to pick ourselves up again. And by fall down I mean stuff a ginger cake in your face. Although it was strangely comforting to look down at the wrapper and see that apparently there are only 93 calories in each slice…silver lining and all that….
Anyhoo there have been some good diety exercisey happenings, I burst “the gym” cherry! Yes I managed to drag my carcass on a treadmill not once, not twice but three times in the past week or so. So it’s a step in the right direction of conquering my extreme fear of “the gym”. There’s still a long way to go before I get over the spinning phobia - I had a bad experience…- and go the classes, but baby steps and all that.
I also got a scale so I can actually see the fruits of my future labours….unfortunately it also told me how much I weigh, as opposed to the guestimation that I’ve been clinging to.
And best of all I’ve only gone and chosen a particularly stressful time to do this - during my final year at uni.
I always did have impeccable timing…high five me.
Ah well best get on with it.

As much fun as it really is being everyone’s fat friend is, I’m over it. There’s only so many times you can be told “you’re so funny….is your friend single?” without pitching a fit and killing everyone in the room, so I’m determined to change my life and do something positive.
Because unfortunately if I don’t, I have a nasty sneaking suspicion that I will end up forty, alone and not being eaten by alsatians due to the fact I’ll still be living in rented accommodation that doesn’t even allow me to have a pet, let alone one large enough to ingest me.
So I decided to join this site, and hopefully the fact I’ll be writing about it in a public place means that I’ll actually stick to them…
Hopefully…

I’ve always found it difficult to lose weight, apart from the two weeks I did the cabbage soup diet when I was 15….the smell still turns my stomach.
And as far as exercising is concerned, I tend to go to the gym for a couple of weeks and then life gets in the way, or there’s an unfortunate spinning incident….
I think my main downfall has always been the absolute lack of self esteem, and addressing it has always been so painful, and none of my friends (lovely and amazing that they are) seem to understand what it’s like to feel worthless and ugly. I can tell them about the time when I was eleven and a man stopped me to ask what had happened to my face, because I couldn’t have been born that hideous, and that’s just the first awful story that has come to mind. You know the things that happen to you that you can’t tell even your closest friend or family, because doing so means admitting that it actually happened, and it’s so much easier to just deny it and pretend everything’s ok.
Which is fine, for a short time. But when you get to the age of 26 and it’s starting to ruin your life, then things need to change.
I’m also not saying that if I was thinner I would be happier, as I know a lot of miserable skinny girls. However it would mean that during those dark moments in life I would also be able to wear some tight jeans and knee high boots, and look pretty damn good for a down in the dumps kinda gal.
Which leaves me here sat on my sofa at two in the afternoon - I’m a student.
And the most important decision of the day - should I go to the gym or not?
Fingers crossed….